for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
