how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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