Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
