i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
