I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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