Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
