chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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