He disabled his match.com account in front of me
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
