I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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