i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
