i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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