Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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