For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
