My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She even gives head with a lisp.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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