So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
