then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
MIDGETS
????
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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