hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
