I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So much rum. So many feels.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
