shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
