my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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