With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
