how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
