ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
