I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I can't put those talents on a resume
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
