what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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