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Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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