I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
