girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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