is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
