areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
