smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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