Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
whose parrot is this?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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