Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
