My friends, they love my intelligence
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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