oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
