my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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