I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
