I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
