So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
