the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
