just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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