Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
