Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
