i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
