where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We smell like vodka and hangover
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
