So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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