Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just want to make out with him forever
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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