so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
