If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You were trust falling into bushes
He shit in the fireplace
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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