ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
