I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
